Before I get going, I want to apologize for such a long absence. No good alibi, just some excuses like the transition to a new school, sports, kindergarten, extra-curricular activities. But I’m back, just in time for the holiday madness. Now, on to the rest of the post.
An important job for any parent is to teach our kids. We teach them to hold a cup, to crawl, to walk, to talk. We do our best to teach them right from wrong; we teach them how to interact with adults, children and in some cases animals. We teach actively or when the lesson cannot be taught, we stand back and let them learn on their own.
In all this teaching, correcting, molding, guiding, have you ever noticed how your kids can teach you?
You’ve heard the sayings, “through the eyes of a child” and ” out of the mouths of babes,” right? If you stop and listen to your kids, this includes dropping your own attitude and preconceived notions and “I’m the adult” face, they can teach you. Maybe it’s reminding you what you learned decades or years ago and have forgotten in the craziness of life and adulthood.
The twins turned six a couple of weeks ago. Yes, I’m still adjusting to it. The personalities are there, right? And trust me when I say not much has changed since birth. We are in a phase of asserting ourselves and our thoughts, sometimes to the extent of talking back. I am all for expressing yourself and using your brain but there needs to be a filter attached. You have to learn to speak politely, even when you disagree. If you don’t, you lose your audience and may even lose more along the way.
Lillian’s latest is forcefully saying, “I know” while I’m trying to explain something. Or Jason may be correcting a behavior and she says, “STOP!” in a loud groan (this is usually when she knows she is in the wrong. Maybe she does know. But if the words haven’t left my mouth, she’s either clairvoyant or she’s being a know-it-all without knowing it all. There’s also a hint of attitude in her tone.
We got to the point that simply correcting her was only digging a deeper hole. The next step was a more tangible correction, i.e. get her where she feels it. She had to relinquish two of her bed babies before shower.
The tears were free flowing, she was sobbing. I almost felt bad for her. And then she asked to keep them, “If I don’t do it the rest of the night.” We had just over an hour before bed. My negative response prompted more tears and wailing, but she held my hand as we walked to the bathroom for her shower. She watched me put the babies on my dresser.
Once she calmed down, I was discussing the problem with her. I told her when we are correcting her, we’re trying to help her learn to listen before reacting. You may not like what you hear or see, but you have to choose what to do with it. Talking back and being rude is not a great use of your energy. I told her she should listen. Maybe try not reacting or responding unless asked. Sometimes people say things you don’t like, sometimes when you need to hear it the most, and you have to let it go and not respond.
As she was getting out of the shower, she said, “Why don’t you let it go when people don’t do what you like? Like in the car.” And she wasn’t being snarky. I almost laughed at how easily she asked, and I was also amazed how it clicked with her. From that point we had a productive conversation. It was refreshing, to be honest.
It was also frightening. Our kids don’t only learn from what we say but what we do. Okay, I know this, but the evidence was in my face. Here’s the evidence, Mommy… I watch everything you do.
And that’s a topic for my next post, which I promise isn’t far behind.
Remember, as you teach your kids the ins and outs of relationships, behavior, etiquette and just trying to get a long in society, keep an open mind. Even the littlest people in your life can teach you a thing or two about being an adult.
