First, I feel I need to apologize for being absent so long. I let travel and the holidays get to me. I didn’t have a good routine for writing. I’m still working on that. I’m that person who needs real inspiration to write. Sometimes I force it; that doesn’t always turn out so well. And then there are those times I’m inspired. Like it hits me: I need to write about this!
I’m going to talk about food, health, working out. Yeah, it’s not groundbreaking material, but it’s important to me. And I’ve learned so much about food in the last four years. Some of it I knew. Some of it has been truly enlightening, though.
I am going to share what I’ve learned from a consumer perspective. I’m no health guru. I’m not certified in any of this. My knowledge is from what I have lived in the past four years with some viewpoints from earlier in life.
Eating because of Emotion
I have always had an issue with food. I love food. I hate food. Sometimes I just tolerate food. It stems from childhood, as I am sure it does for most people. I never learned about balanced eating. We ate healthy, lots of fresh vegetables, especially in the summer. But there were times we weren’t able to access the “good stuff”. And there were times we indulged in the sweets and desserts.
As you can imagine, there were some body image issues that arose with these eating trends. I always felt bigger than every other girl in my class. I always felt less, felt different. I definitely didn’t like my body. And I was an active kid! I played basketball, softball and volleyball for three years straight. We played outside every day after school until it was time for dinner. I still developed an unhealthy image of myself.
I have admitted this to only one person; I’ve definitely never put it in writing. I was bulimic.
It wasn’t an everyday occurrence. And it wasn’t until I was out of the house. Maybe it started in college, maybe it was later. I would have a bad day. It was stressful, it was sad, it was angry, it was frustrating. I would eat a relatively normal meal then be watching a show or a movie. I would get the munchies. I would grab my go-to of peanut butter and jelly. I would binge. I would feel guilty. I would purge.
If this sounds awful, it’s because it was. I hated myself for giving in to what I considered a weakness. It really messed with my system. I’m surprised I didn’t develop a serious digestive issue from it. But it wasn’t daily. It did go on for close to 20 years.
Turning Points
The first ah-ha moment was in 2000. I left up-state New York for the Midwest. I left a toxic relationship. I was my heaviest at 198. I was miserable. I joined Weight Watchers and monitored my eating. It was spectacular. At 25, it was easy to do. And still certain people informed me it wasn’t enough. Yeah. I always seemed to find those people who didn’t help me up.
Then I got comfortable. More not so healthy relationships, starting grad school, getting into the Starbucks trend. I never saw above 180 again, but I definitely had not done myself any favors. The odd thing was I got heavy into cycling at this point. But I ate back everything I burned off and then some.
In 2015, a friend turned me on to Shakeology and Beachbody. I dove in after we returned from our trip to Italy. We weren’t over-indulgent on our trip, believe it or not, but I felt the need for a change. And boy did I change.
I was the strongest and healthiest ever in February 2016. I was so proud of my body. I actually loved my body. The number on the scale was one thing. But I learned it wasn’t about that number as much as it was my body composition. I was officially 15 pounds heavier than I had been 23 years earlier, coming out of high school. Crazy, right?! At the age of 40, I had the body I wanted. I felt the best ever. And the best part was there was no starvation, no cutting carbs, no doing without anything.
It is truthfully about balance. I had found balance in eating, balance in movement, balance in my mental health. It was a truly transformative time for me.
And then…
It’s Twins
Yep. You got it. At my healthiest weight, healthiest measurements, I got pregnant. Which may have had a lot to do with how easily I got pregnant. My body was in its prime and ready for anything. I grew two very healthy kids at one time.
My pregnancy had few issues. No gestational diabetes. No blood pressure problems. No swelling. You got it: no cankles!! Only the last few weeks saw any changes that were of concern. In hindsight, that was my body preparing me for their early arrival.
I went from 169 to 233. I gained 64 pounds. That was 14 more than my doctor wanted. Most people, including Jason, will tell you I didn’t seem to have gotten very big. But my body felt it, that is for sure. And after the kids were born, I was 198. That’s the heaviest I had ever been before pregnancy.
I ate to feed the twins, or so I thought. I lost a few pounds but in August 2017, I had hit a new high of 208. I started watching wat I was eating, more vegetables. Cutting calories, exercising. And I did great for a time. I got down to 188 after nine months. I had hit a wall. I wasn’t budging. I needed help.
Working Against Gravity
Sounds catchy, right? A cousin’s wife touted them helping her get back to pre-baby status so I figured I would give it a try. My first coach was okay, but she left WAG and I met Katie. At first I thought, “how can someone from the other side of the country help me?” Then as we worked through our status calls and check-ins, things started to click. She set my macros and they seemed so high to me.
As I started eating and meeting these macros it hit me like a ton of chicken: I had not been eating enough! It was eye-opening. There was no way I could sustain myself and the twins when they came home because I had not been eating near enough.
A year of working with Katie, adjusting macros occasionally, exercising, and I was back to my 169 pounds. Granted, my body wasn’t the same shape, but that would come in time, working on the strength and adjusting for fat loss.
Stress is the Enemy
My sucess was short-lived. Fall 2019, after six months of maintaining my weight, the numbers on the scale started to rise. It was so disheartening. The more they climbed, the harder it got for me. I was going down the hole. I saw my doctor a few months later to get some bloodwork done. I wanted to rule out thyroid or anything of the kind. I broke down in front of my doctor. Thank God he is the empathetic type without making your feel stupid. He agreed with me that it was most likely stress.
So how do I overcome that. Katie and I did everything. We worked on the macros. I struggled through the holidays. It was rough. No matter what we did, the scale number wasn’t changing. And the body measurements were not budging. I was stuck at 181 going into the pandemic in 2020.
What a hard and stress-inducing time that was (and still is). But through all of that, being home with the kids, I managed to maintain my weight. Friends were posting about gaining weight. I hated it for them, but it made me realize I was doing something right.
I managed my stress by getting up at 4:30 three days a week for strength training. I also rode my bike when daylight and weather allowed. I signed up for the Great Cycle Challenge (greatcyclechallenge.com) to drive myself and also raise money for a good cause.
The struggle continues
I mentioned my nutrition coach Katie, from WAG. Well, she started her own life-coaching business and I left WAG to stick with her for the next year. Katie Holmes is the bomb. We talked a couple of times a month, worked on my macros and she even gave me a great strength-training regime.
I worked with Katie until Summer 2021. She helped me get this blog running more regularly. So yeah. After we stopped working together, I kind of fell into a slow spell. She helped me stay on track, lifted me up. She was my mirror and sounding-board. I still follow her on Instagram (@katieholmescoach). She’s made several posts in the last couple months about focusing on strength versus cardio, eating for strength and health versus weight loss, and loving the body you have as opposed to some ideal that was likely put in your head by some other person or societal comment.
I have not really worked out since December 9, 2021. We left for our Christmas visit with Josh, Brittany and Weston. When we returned, my mom visited for Christmas and Lillian had an ear infection. Then Christmas and Jason’s dad visited for Christmas.
As we started the New Year, my asthma was in full-force after the huge temperature swing. Three more weeks passed with no workouts and no physical activity short of playing briefly in the snow.
Over the last couple of weeks, I got back into tracking my macros. My weight had edged up during the holidays, a combination of crazy eating, extra sweets and no tracking. In a two-week period of tracking, I’ve dropped six pounds. Sounds great, right? My waist measurement has not changed. Disappointing, yes, but very telling at the same time.
The Epiphany… again
Again, we come back to balance. Something I never grasped as a kid, as a 20-something, even into my 30s. You have to have balance in everything you do.
You have to have moderation in your eating. What does your body need to stay healthy? There are tons of fad diets out there. Maybe one of those works for you, or maybe you need a different kind of disbursement in your macros. I keep my protein high, and I balance the carbohydrates and fats based on how I’m working.
You have to have a healthy balance in working out. Katie always stresses weight training. I LOVE weight training. I love feeling strong. I love bench pressing 60 pounds in dumbbells. I love feeling my muscles stretch. I enjoy the occasional soreness. But I also love the endorphin rush from a great bike ride or a nice walk/run.
I suppose the cardio is more cathartic for me. It helps with my mental balance. I also enjoy yoga and Pilates for mental balance. All of these activities, including lifting weights, give me time to focus on me. Actually, they force me to focus on only me.
You cannot increase your weights without focusing on how your body feels with each repetition. Is this too much? Is it not enough? Is my range of motion appropriate? Am I stressing my back? Am I focusing on the right muscle group? Are my knees going to be able to handle this?
When I am on my bike, I am thinking about the push and pull of every stroke. I am watching the road ahead and keeping my senses in tune with world around me. Is that a car approaching or the wind in my ears? Holy crap! That’s a buck! (flashback to a near crash with a buck last fall)
The biggest thing I have learned is that as we age, our body changes. What our body craves and needs changes with time. What worked for me at 25 doesn’t cut it at 46.
Balance is everything, everything needs balance. There is no one-size-fits-all workout, macro set, eating plan, mental health regimen. We are each unique in what we require to function as a human being and what we need to excel. I have found what works for me through a lot of trial and error.
Giving some credit
I mentioned a few specific services that have helped me along the way. I am not being paid for advertising, I promise. I’m not an influencer in any way, shape or form. But I want to share information on the things that made me successful.
Weight Watchers is easy to find. The system I used back in 2000 was the point system. It was a lot easier than counting macros and definitely worked for me.
Working Against Gravity was a great find for me. I learned a lot about the details. I learned the whys of the macro system. If you want some real, strict guidance, with a real person assigned to you, check them out at workingagainstgravity.com. When you sign up, there is a minimum of three or six months.
My friend, Katie Holmes, can help with everything from life-coaching to setting up macros, even a workout routine if you need help starting that. Her website is katieholmescoahing.com
Coming soon…
As I’ve been working out some kinks, I have thought of so many more things to share about this concept of body image, balance with food, and movement and mindfulness. More to come!
