The kids started full time pre-Kindergarten this week. Oh my goodness… I was stressed the entire week prior. Did I have enough stuff for lunches (they can’t have peanut butter at their school)? Will their new shoes be comfortable for them all day? Will they like their new teacher? Will I like their new teacher? How will they handle being there 7 hours versus the 5 to which they were accustomed doing the MDO program?
So yeah. I was a ball of stress. Even after meeting their teacher and finding the classroom, Sunday, I was still worried about everything over which I had no control. But I kept up a brave face and powered through. I didn’t/don’t want my stress to affect their experience.
Mom has to let go first
Isn’t it funny? Life is full of moments in which we have to let go. Either someone has passed, or it is time for someone to leave our life. We are often having to let go, whether we want to or not.
Letting go of our children is so very hard. It’s difficult for both parents. Jason has a close relationship with his older son, at the age of 31, and he still finds it difficult to leave after a visit. Moms have to let go a little earlier, though.
The first time I let go of the twins was the day they were born. They were six weeks early so I was already afraid. And as ecstatic as I was to finally really see them, I was terrified. I could no longer protect them the way I had the last 7 months. I could no longer “force feed” them through the umbilical cord. I could not protect them from the illnesses to which they would be exposed.
I did not suffer from post partum depression or post partum blues, but I definitely felt empty after they were born. Especially when I was discharged from the hospital without them, another letting go.
Someone else giving care
When I first went back to work, I took the kids to a daycare. I had signed us up three months before they were born. And I did not take them to the daycare until they were almost 5 months old. I had such a hard time leaving them. And when I picked them up the first day, I find out Levi didn’t nap. They told me he was grumpy. How dare you tell me my happy, laid back kid is grumpy! He’s the least grumpy person in our house!! He was hungry and he was tired. They were not giving the same care I gave at home.
Fortunately, I could afford a nanny. And I found Lisa. I interviewed at least 10 other people before Lisa popped up in my Care.com site. We met at a Starbucks, one rainy weekday. My in-laws were helping with the kids because both had come down with an ear infection and could not go to daycare. Lisa was a perfect match for the kids and for me. I had no problem leaving the kids with her, although I missed them terribly.
Then after two and a half wonderful years, Lisa had to move on. She and I cried and we have stayed in touch. She still comes out for the kids’ birthday. And it turns out it was a life-changing move for her, all for the best.
And it changed our outlook as well. I enrolled the kids in an MDO, or Mother’s Day Out, program. Two days a week for about 5 hours, the kids were in a preschool environment. We loved our teacher so much. She sent us pictures and the kids talked about her all the time. It was hard to watch them take this step but so necessary. Levi had the most difficult time, or at least as far as outward expression was concerned. He threw up three of the first four days. He was just crying so hard.
Pandemic strikes!!
I say that with a little sarcastic drama. Yes, the pandemic affected us, but it wasn’t life-altering at first. We had to leave our MDO program two months early. No goodbyes to any of our friends.
